On April 26th of 2004, Asher published a taped conversation between Cub manager Dusty
Baker and his bench coach, Grady Little, using his contacts with the FBI.  Keith thought
something was suspicious about the tape, and called Dusty to set the record straight:

Keith Glab: So Dusty, how exactly did Walker manage a
.333 batting average in eight at-bats, anyway?  Did he
get 2.664 hits against southpaws or something?

Dusty Baker: Well, uh....

KG: You just invented that statistic, didn't you?

DB: Well, yeah...

KG: In fact, I bet you invented that whole
conversation with Grady Little, didn't you?

DB: Okay, you got me.  I was the one who lobbied for
Ho Mac to be a Cub in the first place.  See, I didn't
want the public to think that I would start him just
to justify my acquisition, so I made it out that Grady
convinced me to do it.

KG: Why did you want to trade away a top pitching
prospect to get a marginal utility player?

DB: Aww, we don't need all these pitching prospects we
have.  They can't all blow out their arms when I ask
them to throw 135 pitches per game.  Besides, the
public was happy that I went out and got a proven
veteran for the bench.

KG: Right, to replace Lenny Harris.  Why are you
worried about public reaction, anyway? I mean, you
could rape an old woman in the street and the public
would think that you're a hero.

DB: That actually happened the other day.  The
people on the street applauded, and the old woman
thanked me.  She said that she almost came.

KG: Didn't your son almost get seriously injured in the
World Series a few years back?

DB: That's right, Keith.  I used him as a bat boy.
The media thought that was good for the clubhouse

KG: Even though he nearly interfered with the game and
got clobbered?

DB: Yup.

KG: And even though you blew a 3-2 game lead and lost
the World Series?

DB: Hey, we lost that series because I mismanaged the
bullpen.  It had nothing to do with the team

KG: Dusty, you've led a charmed life.

DB: Hee hee.